Country:
Denmark
Recognizable Faces:
Mads Mikkelsen
Directed By:
Nicolas Winding Refn
Nicolas Winding Refn, the director of Stanley Kubrick worship movie Bronson, came back to the plate in 2009 with Valhalla Rising, another attempt to marry art-house film-making and mindless violence. This time, he didn't have an inspired Tom Hardy to save his project from monotony. And let's not blame this on Mads Mikkelsen. He was handled a much more difficult character to play, and despite his spirited performance, Valhalla Rising is still a confused and unoriginal mess that borrows heavily from Werner Herzog, circa Aguirre: The Wrath Of God. In fact, it's very much like Herzog's classic movie, but without the demented input of Klaus Kinski that carried the pacing of the whole affair on his shoulders, as he usually did.
And it starts with a promising premise. One Eye (Mikkelsen) is a prisoner to another viking tribe, a fantastic warrior and happens to have visions of the future (which are shot in a pretty alluring fashion, I'll admit). They make him fight to the death against multiple opponents everyday for a...a...for their entertainment I guess, and he's somehow restrained by an iron collar. From the first minute, you have the impression that One Eye stays around for the hell of it, rather than truly being a restrained prisoner. He eventually has a vision, evades from his jailers, to fall on a troop of Christian soldiers heading to Jerusalem (yep, I know. They were pretty far North). It is said in the beginning of the movie that Christians have been chasing the heathen at the end of the Earth, so I expected One Eye to demolish the Scandinavian born-again gang, but no. He follows them into the improbable trip to the Holy Land (for a reason that is, of course unexplained). And well, as you can imagine, they don't go very far. Because they had no clue whatsoever where Jerusalem was. And then, nothing happens.
Valhalla Rising is like a high school bully. It fills you up with dread and tension, but when it's time to actually deliver, it falls flat and starts following the plot from Aguirre: The Wrath Of God almost line by line. In fact, it's a very tricky scheme to have called that movie Valhalla Rising. It should have been called Valhalla Losing, Valhalla Falling, Vikings Are Stupid, or even Pretentious Statement Against The War On Terror. Because it's what I feel I watched for 93 long minutes. A very artsy, overly complicated statement about why being a religious-zealot and a military cheftain at the same time is a bad thing. That being driven by a purpose that has nothing to do with the reality of war with get you and all your people killed while the situation doesn't progress at all. A little bit like what's happened in Iraq right now. The best part is when the Christian cheftain (I never noticed what the fuck his name was) talks about "New Jerusalem", which is exactly the way born again Christians read the bible. And you know what the best part is? No actual viking movie fans really care about this. We all know Christianity killed heathen culture. You don't need to make an artsy movie about it! It's not cool for both sides.
I would love to tell you that Valhalla Rising isn't garbage, but it is. The long, contemplative frame of the misty Scandinavian mountains are nice, but they aren't much more than what Herzog shot from 1970 to 1990. Winding Refn clearly plays the worship card to validate his work, which is a common thing to do in art cinema (the whole "cinematographic quotation" concept), but he has nothing original to offer. Not even an interesting spin on viking culture. In fact, Valhalla Rising must be the viking movie that is the most devoid of viking culture I've ever seen in my life. It's also devoid of many things that make a movie (let alone a story) interesting. There is absolutely no point to it, but to prove the futility of religious wars. Males with get bored with it, female viewers will get frustrated. It's a terrible movie, made for art film audience. But it happens to be even worse if you're an art film fan. Stay away and stay away from Nicolas Winding Refn's next movie unless the critics don't commit ritual suicide after the premiere.
SCORE: 10%
And it starts with a promising premise. One Eye (Mikkelsen) is a prisoner to another viking tribe, a fantastic warrior and happens to have visions of the future (which are shot in a pretty alluring fashion, I'll admit). They make him fight to the death against multiple opponents everyday for a...a...for their entertainment I guess, and he's somehow restrained by an iron collar. From the first minute, you have the impression that One Eye stays around for the hell of it, rather than truly being a restrained prisoner. He eventually has a vision, evades from his jailers, to fall on a troop of Christian soldiers heading to Jerusalem (yep, I know. They were pretty far North). It is said in the beginning of the movie that Christians have been chasing the heathen at the end of the Earth, so I expected One Eye to demolish the Scandinavian born-again gang, but no. He follows them into the improbable trip to the Holy Land (for a reason that is, of course unexplained). And well, as you can imagine, they don't go very far. Because they had no clue whatsoever where Jerusalem was. And then, nothing happens.
Valhalla Rising is like a high school bully. It fills you up with dread and tension, but when it's time to actually deliver, it falls flat and starts following the plot from Aguirre: The Wrath Of God almost line by line. In fact, it's a very tricky scheme to have called that movie Valhalla Rising. It should have been called Valhalla Losing, Valhalla Falling, Vikings Are Stupid, or even Pretentious Statement Against The War On Terror. Because it's what I feel I watched for 93 long minutes. A very artsy, overly complicated statement about why being a religious-zealot and a military cheftain at the same time is a bad thing. That being driven by a purpose that has nothing to do with the reality of war with get you and all your people killed while the situation doesn't progress at all. A little bit like what's happened in Iraq right now. The best part is when the Christian cheftain (I never noticed what the fuck his name was) talks about "New Jerusalem", which is exactly the way born again Christians read the bible. And you know what the best part is? No actual viking movie fans really care about this. We all know Christianity killed heathen culture. You don't need to make an artsy movie about it! It's not cool for both sides.
I would love to tell you that Valhalla Rising isn't garbage, but it is. The long, contemplative frame of the misty Scandinavian mountains are nice, but they aren't much more than what Herzog shot from 1970 to 1990. Winding Refn clearly plays the worship card to validate his work, which is a common thing to do in art cinema (the whole "cinematographic quotation" concept), but he has nothing original to offer. Not even an interesting spin on viking culture. In fact, Valhalla Rising must be the viking movie that is the most devoid of viking culture I've ever seen in my life. It's also devoid of many things that make a movie (let alone a story) interesting. There is absolutely no point to it, but to prove the futility of religious wars. Males with get bored with it, female viewers will get frustrated. It's a terrible movie, made for art film audience. But it happens to be even worse if you're an art film fan. Stay away and stay away from Nicolas Winding Refn's next movie unless the critics don't commit ritual suicide after the premiere.
SCORE: 10%
