Country:
USA/France
Recognizable Faces:
Zoe Saldana
Lennie James
Sam Douglas
Directed By:
Olivier Megaton
Author extraordinaire and scholar of violent fiction Matt Funk has recently lamented the loss of mass appeal of crime cinema in 2011. A part of me wants to agree with him, but another part wants to blame the lack of quality of Hollywood's action blockbusters for this regrettable situation and the latter part is talking louder to my conscious brain. I don't really care about things blowing up all over my screen if there's no John McClane walking through the wreckage to be there on time to pick up Holly and the kids. I had high hopes that COLOMBIANA wouldn't buy into cheap thrills after seeing the trailer. I always fancy female action movies as they are a nice change of pace from the male angst ridden bullet fests I usually watch. Despite being technically sound, COLOMBIANA did not live up to my expectations at all. Seeing who was behind it now, I wonder why I got my hopes up in the first place.
Colombia is an awful place to be a criminal. In Olivier Megaton's movie, working in Bogota's drug market is like working public function in the U.S. You're more likely to be on somebody's payroll than to become Scarface. It's a little racist, but I can deal with that. Cataleya Restrepo (Saldana) learns this the hard way when her parents are murdered by the henchmen of Don Luis (Beto Benites) back when she was a child. That moment defined her whole existence. She goes on a U.S exile to her uncle Marco(Jordi Molla)'s place and learns the quirks of being an assassin. By the time she turns twenty-four, she is a stone-cold, highly skilled professional who works for her uncle but she is devoured by her need for vengeance. All of her life has been building up that moment where she would cross path with Don Luis again.
I have two main problems with COLOMBIANA. First of all, Cataleya Restrepo isn't exactly a female protagonist as much as she's a male fantasy. She's sexy, athletic, performs killings worthy of Sam Fisher's admiration, fucks without calling back (or almost)* and devotes her life to kicking ass and taking names instead. Secundo, this movie really messes with my suspension of disbelief. While the action is slick and well-filmed, there were many of those "wait-a-minute" moments where my good intentions towards COLOMBIANA were seriously challenged. For example, that escape she made from Don Luis' goon, through the streets of Bogota, where child Cataleya (Amandla Stenberg) looked like an Olympic hopeful for the gymnastics team more than your average privileged nine year old. I can believe a nine years old to be savvy and streetwise, but being actually MORE savvy and streetwise than seasoned killers that are PLOT RELEVANT?** C'mon! It's bad and it's just one example.
It's sad and very fucking frustrating, because COLOMBIANA has its moments. Some scenes gripping and beautiful. For example, towards the beginning of the movie, Cataleya is going on a job in Mexico where she was to eliminate a fraudulent banker type. It's one of the best filmed action sequence I've seen in 2011. The way it's scripted, the way the tension goes up, it's brilliant. There are few of those scenes in COLOMBIANA, showing that this story had potential. I know I'm asking much of the Olivier Megaton/Luc Besson team who has provided us great movies like...hum...THE TRANSPORTER 3? While Besson used to write good movies (THE FIFTH ELEMENT, the TAXI series), the last decent script he wrote was for TAKEN in 2008 and the keyword here is decent***. I can't really recommend you to watch COLOMBIANA, but if you're caught with it in a social situation, it's a frustrating viewing, but it has its moments. It's technically sound and visually beautiful, but the script is plagued with most issues that have been plaguing Hollywood action scripts since the beginning of the twenty-first century. Movies like this won't trigger an action/crime film renaissance.
SCORE: 61%
*She also fucks a guy I suspect many viewers believe themselves to be more manly than. So more worthy of Cataleya's attention.
**By that, I mean that Cataleya's pursuers were important characters, not that dumb cannon fodder type that die by the dozen in Rambo and Die Hard movies.
*** It wasn't a GREAT movie...well...that phone inimidation schtik by Liam Neeson was amazing, but it was wrapped in eighty-something minutes of meh filmmaking.