Country:
USA
Starring:
Paul Bettany
Tyrese Gibson
Adrianne Palicki
Charles S. Dutton
Kevin Durand
Dennis Quaid
Directed By:
Scott Stewart
Synopsis:
Charlie's pregnant from nobody-knows-who and is about to give birth. Then, some nightmarish looking creatures that one could easily call demons just walk by the dinner where she works, wanting the child dead. But Archangel Michael is around to make sure it doesn't happen. God grew tired of humans and wants to wipe out mankind. So he sends the angels to Earth to do his dirty bidding. All they have to do is kill this baby. Easy, no? Not when your best warrior is not on your side.
Last year, I watched this movie with Paul Bettany called PRIEST and thought it was pretty cool. Not many people shared my opinion, though and the movie gathered a whopping 17% on Rotten Tomatoes. I couldn't figure out why. It wasn't a classic, but it captured the essence of a graphic novel very well and the script was competent. The reason why PRIEST didn't have a fighting chance is probably this movie, LEGION. Sometimes, you want to like a movie very bad, because the premise is really cool and given that it is well handled, it could turn into a cult classic. But sometimes also, the said movie doesn't want to help itself and decide to suck, no matter how hard you try to love it. It's like that kid in high school that deliberately acts foolish, so he can justify not having any friends. Just look at this poster. You can almost see the dotted line of MS Paint around that gun.
There are many, many things wrong with LEGION and I don't know where to start. Maybe with how stereotyped this movie is? The two cops at the beginning are badly drawn parodies of the two worst L.A cops you've ever seen. They are as hateful and nihilistic as two drunken S.S. Tyrese Gibson is the token black guy who smokes weed and blasts hip-hop in his car. He talks in intense ebonics and has a gun. Of course, it's because he's the black guy. There is another black guy, Percy, played by Charles S. Dutton, who's a disabled war veteran with outspoken faith in God (you see where this is going, right?) There is the Good Girl (Adrianne Palicki), the Bad Girl (Willa Holland), the Easy Victims (Jon Tenney and Kate Walsh) and the drunken atheist dad (Dennis Quaid).
Moving on.
I'm really looking for something positive to say. Paul Bettany's good fit for playing an angel? He is. His laconic game is very fitting to play an otherworldly creature. He injects the just the right amount of dread to play a fallen servant of God. But that's it. Really, there's nothing else to this movie. It would've have had charm if it could've kept up the high pace of its first thirty minutes, but it doesn't. It has comedic value in the beginning, but after the first major battle with angels *, things fall apart. There is nothing happening at all and characters painfully butt into each other. Only to give place to one final battle, which disavows everything the movie has been building up towards. As the credits roll, you'll be left wondering what the hell did you just saw.
Good idea, terrible script. That's the shortest way to describe LEGION. Visually, there are silly decisions made that don't make any sense with the storyline, but there are also beautiful shots. There is a shot of Jeep **(Lucas Black), contemplating a swarm cloud *** or another shot near the end where angels surround the dinner, which are really cool. There are a few of those, scattered through LEGION. There are many more flaws to discuss, but let's stop here. You got the point. Anyway, if you haven't watched it, don't bother and watch PRIEST instead. Scott Stewart has gotten better since filming this fiasco and he deserves a fair chance. He has a movie coming up next year called DARK SKIES and I'll probably give it a shot. So should you. But stay away from LEGION. It starts as a so-bad-it's-good movie, but it keeps sinking lower and lower by the minute.
SCORE: 21%
*By the way, why are angels so scary looking? I thought they were the way of grace? Also, why can they possess people like demons?
** Yes, his name is Jeep. I know and let's not spread ourselves on that point. Let's be nice.
*** That's another thing. Nobody gives a shit about a two GIANT swarm clouds of flies. I don't know about you, but I'd freak out.