My Thoughts on the 85th Academy Awards

I watched the Oscars last night *. Why would I do that? Because one thing that differentiates a pop culture critic from a pretentious asshole is his willingness to watch something like the Oscars and think critically about it. So I didn't live-tweet the event to refrain myself from falling into the 140 character quick-witted cynicism and concentrated on the ceremony for you, guys. Well, a little for me too. I like having an opinion on what everybody else is watching.

•  Seth MacFarlane was the liveliest host the ceremony had in many years. He wasn't perfect, some of the numbers were too long-winded for my taste, but at least the academy is trying to make things happen. MacFarlane was the first non-brain dead person to host since Hugh Jackman in 2009 and in my opinion, he did a slightly better job **.

•  They say the best revenge is a life well-lived and Ben Affleck is taking the saying at heart. His movie ARGO has won three Oscars, including best movie. Less than a decade ago, Affleck couldn't leave his house without having a one page article in a magazine enumerating the things he sucked at on a tone of sarcastic overkill. He has clawed himself out of the same hole Nickelback are currently in and I respect that. That said, I have to watch ARGO.

• What is up between Ang Lee and the academy? They seem hell-bent on not giving him the best movie Oscar. No disrespect to Mr. Affleck (I'm sure I'd like ARGO better than LIFE OF PI anyway), but I always thought best movie and best director went hand-in-hand. It's the second time they pull this shit on poor Ang Lee (the first being for BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN). Next time Mr. Lee pulls an Oscar-nominated wonder from his back, I fully expect him to show up at fuck-this-shit o'clock for the ceremony.

• Talking about fuck-this-shit o'clock, why does Quentin Tarantino even bothers showing up at these events? He is by the far the edgiest guy in the main categories *** and his nominations seem to be a condescending effort from the academy to show openness to the newer ways of doing cinema. If I was him, I'd stuff myself in the free buffet and leave at mid-ceremony.

• With two and a half seasons of THE VOICE behind me, I can't tell you how terrific Adele is, as a performer. She shows tiny, controlled signs of exasperation at how ridiculously difficulty the song was and yet she fucking pulverized it (sorry for the quality). That sends an interesting message: "This is fucking hard to do. I can do it and you don't, so that's why you buy my records." She's professionalism incarnate. She's one of the few new mainstream artists in recent years that made it without the help of a reality show. That alone says a lot about her talent.

•  Anybody else was terrified by Michael Haneke? He looked like a man who stared at the devil for too long and lost a part of his soul. I'm very happy to see the director of such difficult films as FUNNY GAMES and THE PIANO TEACHER get some love in America. Haneke is the best German director south of Werner Herzog and that says a lot, coming from a nation full of badass directors and artists in general.

• Shawn Christensen's CURFEW finally won the Oscar for best live-action short. That got me quite the traffic spike since I reviewed the thing last week. Not the choice I would've made, but not a bad choice at all. This actually reflects the academy's desire of grooming an interesting director. Shawn Christensen's on my radar, now and should be on yours also. If you see a screening of CURFEW in you area over the next few weeks, don't miss it. It's excellent.

• Anybody else fully expects Jennifer Lawrence to pull a Daniel-Day Lewis and alpha male the Oscars, whenever she's nominated? I expect her and Jessica Chastain to be like The Coen Brothers and Paul Thomas Anderson at the ceremony. I love Jessica Chastain, but Lawrence has "the it factor", the unexplainable clincher.

• Speaking of PTA, what the fuck? No love for THE MASTER? Is scientology behind this? I haven't watched it yet, but goddamn if it's not the movie I've been the most pumped about for years. Still months after its release and its myriad of intriguing reviews, I badly want to see it. I think I might be having Joaquin Phoenix withdrawal syndrome.

• The movies I decided to watch after the ceremony are: ARGO, LINCOLN, DJANGO UNCHAINED and...ugh...SILVER LININGS PLAYBOOK (I want to see what's so damn good about it). Movies I still don't give a shit about: BEASTS OF THE SOUTHERN WILD, LES MISÉRABLES, LIFE OF PI and ZERO DARK THIRTY. Movies I don't want to see from fear of shooting myself in the theater's parking lot afterwards: AMOUR.

• Oh and what was up with the tech guys sporting aging heavy metal icon hair?

* Well, I almost did. I keeled over at about ten to 11 PM, from drinking this new, potent tea I was recommended. Like my mother said though: "the important is that you tried, son".

** Kudos to MacFarlane for keeping the FAMILY GUY quips on the down-low. It was the one thing nobody wanted to hear from him.

*** The years the Coen brothers aren't nominated anyway.