I like to believe that I am open minded. That's right, it's how highly I think of myself: I am both an easy AND an open-minded audience. I believe that if you're inclined to just try stuff sometimes, you're bound to become that awesome dude who's seen everything and who never runs short of killer movie recommendations. Of course, sometimes you'll find yourself locked in the house of stupid for two hours. It's going to happen, it's inevitable. CONTRABAND, starring Mark Walhberg, is one of these movies that just slipped by unnoticed and faded into oblivion. Let's just say that it wasn't a crime against humanity that it didn't become a classic. It's a film better watched equipped with irony and a sharp critical eye. Your cerebral integrity depends on it.
From what I understand, CONTRABAND is the American remake of the Icelandic movie REYKJAVIK-ROTTERDAM, I didn't see the original, but I'm sure that there are differences though, other than the dumbed down, eye-popping title meant to stimulate mass sales to a target demographic. Chris Farrday (Mark Wahlberg) used to be a badass smuggler who retired in order to live the American Dream: trophy wife (Kate Beckinsdale), kids, small business owner, all that jazz. He is pulled back into his old life by his wife's idiot brother (Caleb Landry Jones), some babyfaced moron barely out of his teens who somehow inherited his old gig and managed to royally fuck up on a drug run.
What the fuck happened to Mark Wahlberg?
He used to be a good actor. He used to carefully cherry pick his projects. I have extremely fond memories of movies like BOOGIE NIGHTS, ROCK STAR and THE DEPARTED. It's like playing in the immortal dud THE HAPPENING in 2008 stripped him of his acting power, or at the very least, stripped him of his good judgment. CONTRABAND is a profoundly convoluted series of questionable excuses to create tension and usher the characters into action scenes, while carrying a symbolic token of likeability. It make no sense whatsoever. The screenplay of REYKJAVIK-ROTTERDAM was re-written by the talented Aaron Guzikowski (the man who penned the terrific PRISONERS) for CONTRABAND, but it was probably written on a napkin at lunch, between 12:27 and 1:06 PM, as a quick favour for a friend. It's that bad.
Everything about CONTRABAND's screenplay feels cheap and rushed. For example, you're supposed to like the character of Chris Farraday because he's an All-American. He's just a dad, looking out for his family, you know? There is absolutely zero smuggler in him. For a guy who used to be a criminal, he doesn't have an edge. He looks like that low self-esteem cousin we all have, who started drinking his life away in his early thirties, mulling over his wasted athletic potential. Everybody else in that movie actually tries to look like a goddamn criminal, although there is some weird shit happening like the character of Giovanni Ribsi, who's supposed to be a hot-shot criminal, who lives in a shitty apartment building with his daughter like some street corner hustler. Now exactly the type of guy you owe 700 larges to. CONTRABAND feels like a rough first draft that was put together quickly and shot in order to squeeze a quick buck out of Saturday afternoon thrill seekers.
Maybe there are some people who really liked CONTRABAND out there. It possibly is somebody's favourite movie. If that's the case for you, I need you to look at yourself in the mirror and ask yourself a very important question: ''Am I really making an effort here? Am I the King of the Jungle or am I just a scavenging Armadillo, eating garbage on the side of the road?'' CONTRABAND is a movie that breathes contempt for the viewer. It's a movie about smuggling that has very little actual smuggling in it, except for guys moving stacks of money around a boat like they were in a Benny Hill chase scene. It also features a bunch of random South American gangbangers who like to duct tape their faces. So yeah, I've watched CONTRABAND so you don't have to, unless you're doing a review of the downfall of Mark Wahlberg's career. In that case, it's a very pertinent viewing.
From what I understand, CONTRABAND is the American remake of the Icelandic movie REYKJAVIK-ROTTERDAM, I didn't see the original, but I'm sure that there are differences though, other than the dumbed down, eye-popping title meant to stimulate mass sales to a target demographic. Chris Farrday (Mark Wahlberg) used to be a badass smuggler who retired in order to live the American Dream: trophy wife (Kate Beckinsdale), kids, small business owner, all that jazz. He is pulled back into his old life by his wife's idiot brother (Caleb Landry Jones), some babyfaced moron barely out of his teens who somehow inherited his old gig and managed to royally fuck up on a drug run.
What the fuck happened to Mark Wahlberg?
He used to be a good actor. He used to carefully cherry pick his projects. I have extremely fond memories of movies like BOOGIE NIGHTS, ROCK STAR and THE DEPARTED. It's like playing in the immortal dud THE HAPPENING in 2008 stripped him of his acting power, or at the very least, stripped him of his good judgment. CONTRABAND is a profoundly convoluted series of questionable excuses to create tension and usher the characters into action scenes, while carrying a symbolic token of likeability. It make no sense whatsoever. The screenplay of REYKJAVIK-ROTTERDAM was re-written by the talented Aaron Guzikowski (the man who penned the terrific PRISONERS) for CONTRABAND, but it was probably written on a napkin at lunch, between 12:27 and 1:06 PM, as a quick favour for a friend. It's that bad.
Of course, if you're going to fix your dumb brother-in-law's problems, the slickest thing to do is to bring him with you, so he can fuck up again and create tension.
Everything about CONTRABAND's screenplay feels cheap and rushed. For example, you're supposed to like the character of Chris Farraday because he's an All-American. He's just a dad, looking out for his family, you know? There is absolutely zero smuggler in him. For a guy who used to be a criminal, he doesn't have an edge. He looks like that low self-esteem cousin we all have, who started drinking his life away in his early thirties, mulling over his wasted athletic potential. Everybody else in that movie actually tries to look like a goddamn criminal, although there is some weird shit happening like the character of Giovanni Ribsi, who's supposed to be a hot-shot criminal, who lives in a shitty apartment building with his daughter like some street corner hustler. Now exactly the type of guy you owe 700 larges to. CONTRABAND feels like a rough first draft that was put together quickly and shot in order to squeeze a quick buck out of Saturday afternoon thrill seekers.
Maybe there are some people who really liked CONTRABAND out there. It possibly is somebody's favourite movie. If that's the case for you, I need you to look at yourself in the mirror and ask yourself a very important question: ''Am I really making an effort here? Am I the King of the Jungle or am I just a scavenging Armadillo, eating garbage on the side of the road?'' CONTRABAND is a movie that breathes contempt for the viewer. It's a movie about smuggling that has very little actual smuggling in it, except for guys moving stacks of money around a boat like they were in a Benny Hill chase scene. It also features a bunch of random South American gangbangers who like to duct tape their faces. So yeah, I've watched CONTRABAND so you don't have to, unless you're doing a review of the downfall of Mark Wahlberg's career. In that case, it's a very pertinent viewing.
