Comparing Will Smith & Jada Pinkett-Smith's memoirs
It’s hard to understand the power of headlines unless you’re a public figure or a member of the media. But whether it’s on social media or the cover of magazines, they’re a wildly powerful tool.
One that can make and break you.
Because no one reads articles about celebrities with great attention and everyone will draw conclusions from a punchy, well-crafted headline. Taylor Swift is an 8th level black belt at using headlines in her favor. Will Smith and his wife Jada Pinkett-Smith have shown the skills of… uh, let’s say yellow belts, for the last couple years. From the August Alsina incident to Jada claiming her and Will have been separated for seven years a couple weeks ago, the Smiths have portrayed themselves as a dysfunctional couple and Jada as a controlling, manipulative and miserable bitch. But is she?
As a journalist myself, I understand how headlines will be taken out of context more often than not and used to tell a story that has little to do with the facts. So I was immediately intrigued by this brutal declaration, which came as part of a promotional effort for Jada’s own memoir Worthy. Since I’ve read Will’s memoir about six weeks before he tried to slap Chris Rock’s head off his shoulders and quite enjoyed it, I thought I’d give Worthy a chance and provide you with an educated opinion on whatever’s going on with Hollywood’s most judged couple of the last couple years.
Are They Separated or Not?
This is an interesting topic, because I’m pretty sure Jada wasn’t lying about that. What I’m less clear about is whether or not they had the same understanding of that decision they’ve taken. Because Will totally acknowledges this in his memoir too, but he said (and I’m paraphrasing here): Jada and I stopped trying to find happiness in one another and instead looked for happiness within ourselves, on our own paths. As a reader then, I did not understand this as a separation, but it really well could mean just that. I just don’t know if Will is in the same spot.
To answer the question clearly : I believe they were most likely living independently from one another. Not making major plans together, maybe not sleeping in the same bed, stuff like that. Their level of commitment to this "separation" is totally unclear.
From reading Worthy, it’s clear that Jada is trying to project a certain Oprah-like image about herself and it’s even clearer that what the image she wants to project and the image she does project are two different things. Because that memoir is extremely confused as to what it wants to be and what it wants to say. For example, Jada shares a lot of memories about her upbringing in Baltimore where she uses a lot of complimentary, grateful terms to describe the people in her life. She also confesses that her parents were both addicts and that their negligence was the cause of her feelings of low self-esteem.
Her ordeal is quite relatable except for the part where she focuses on the happy memories of her childhood and skates around anything hurtful and confronting. There are some of these memories, like when her father confessed that he couldn’t be her father anymore since he didn't have his life together. But Jada insists so much that she was well taken care of. That her grandparents provided support and structure and her friends the creativity and belonging she always craved. She went to an art school. She was accepted to Julliard College. Her self and her talent were nurtured every step of the way.
So what the fuck was the problem, right? Why did she end up selling drugs while she (according to her own narrative) clearly didn’t need it? I don’t understand either, but it’s part of the character.
What the fuck is Jada’s problem with Will?
Although Jada meant her story to be relatable and inspiring, it is really, really not. I can’t think of anything less relatable than a super privileged person who claims her life is both awesome and miserable at the same time.
But Jada’s marital problems are more relatable than you’d think. Will takes a very, very small place in Worthy, but Jada’s tireless insistence at making him seem unimportant and impotent to solve her deep-rooted issues speaks volumes. Yeah, she’s pretty brutal with him and based on what she says, he didn’t do anything to deserve this except maybe being extremely successful and perhaps too career-driven during their marriage.
Once again, Will acknowledges this in his own memoir. He tells the story of a grandiose birthday party he organized for her without first checking with her how she felt or what she wanted. He is so used to doing things publicly and so good at getting praise that he organized a birthday party that was as much about showing he was a good husband as it was about Jada. She feels accessory to his life, but you’d only understand that if you’ve read Will first. Because I don’t think Jada Pinkett-Smith has any idea of why she feels the way she feels towards her husband.
But I get it. In the words of Instababe therapist Flynn Skidmore, Jada Pinkett-Smith feels disempowered by the success of her husband. She feels that whatever she does won’t ever matter. She’d been an actress, a singer and a rather solid talk show host, but since she never quite could define success for herself, whatever she will accomplish will never be enough. Now, Will is obviously not responsible for this. But I understand how the constant tidal wave of love he’s received in his career can be soul crushing for someone who feels like they’re barely riding coattails.
What Jada doesn’t seem to understand is that, like for anyone who’s as stratospherically successful as her husband, it’s not just a case of skill, charisma or “magic” (or whatever she wants to call it). Will was the right person at the right time. Ten years earlier, he might’ve not had the opportunity to become a Hollywood superstar. Ten years later, someone else might’ve filled the role. But in the nineties, the industry was looking for a charismatic, inoffensive, family friendly black actor and Will was the man for the job.
It’s stupid to begrudge him for that, but should he be more self-aware? Probably, but I can only imagine how difficult it must be when everyone wants to tell you how much they love you all the time.
Should they divorce?
Absu-fucking-lutely.
I mean, it’s not my decision to make. But the reasons they give to stay together are pathetic and they seem to make each other miserable. Jada claims she can never break the promise she made to Will, but is that promise serving her right now and is that whole emancipation enterprise helping her husband amidst the greatest crisis of his career? Not really.
Unwillingly demonizing herself through her memoir and poorly strategized media interventions are making him look like a victim of psychological abuse and therefore more sympathetic than the "violent monster who attacked Chris Rock", but I’m sure he felt like absolute fucking shit reading Worthy. Is Jada making herself that unconquerable obstacle to give both her husband and herself a sense of purpose? Maybe.
But they’re obviously not in the same place right now. They’ve grown apart and I have no fucking idea what they hope to achieve by staying together. Sometimes you need to accept that you’re not what the person you love most needs in her life and allow her to move on. I think… gulp, Will should ask for divorce. That not only it would help him, but it would help her too. Then, they could go on with their life partnership mumbo-jumbo thing or simply find better life partners for one another. One better suited for their individual needs.
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So, which memoir was the best? Well, Will Smith hired a master storyteller to map his personal story for maximum emotional impact and to state clearly what kind of man he is: Mark Manson. I don’t mean to say Will’s story has more value than Jada’s but it’s better told and it’s more vibrant and relatable as a result. It’s fearless in front of ugly moments and carries the sense of courage that Will meant to communicate. You can’t really find this in Worthy. But both books oddly end with an Ayahuasca trip. You know, rich people and relatability…
Jada Pinkett-Smith has mental health problems. She says it herself that she was diagnosed with depression, albeit she never seems to understand or accept that her own brain is working against her. What’s crazy to me is that no one ever stepped in and told her that releasing such a memoir was not a good idea for what she wanted to accomplish: gain better self-esteem and find inner peace. She’s nowhere near in a good enough place to make it happen.
