D-Train and Positive Masculinity
There's no right way to be a man.
Whatever Andrew Tate, Jordan Peterson or purple-coloured haired undergrads might tell you, this whole debate on masculinity currently raging online is based on a fallacious idea: that there's a correct and an incorrect way to be a man. It’s bullshit and the sooner we'll collectively realize that it is and that there's different kind of men in different kind of environments, the better we'll all going to feel about ourselves. You know who knows this? Liz's husband Derek from Apple TV+ show Shrinking.
A support character, a convenient Deux Ex Machina and a walking running gag in the show's first season, D-Train has become more of a full fledged character this year. I’m not gonna spoil you anything, but he's getting his own storyline and even some adversity to deal with. And guess what? Derek aces it all. He goes through a rough patch with such maturity, gracefulness and… (dare I say manliness) that it's… inspiring? So let me introduce you Derek A.K.A D-Train, a peaceful, accomplished man.
The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck
The great Mark Manson himself said it best: not giving a fuck doesn't mean that you shouldn't care about anything. It means that you should choose what you truly cares about. D-Train understands this. He cares about Liz being happy and involved with her group of friend. He doesn’t feel the need to involve himself and be a dominant presence in their lives because this social circle is about her and not about him. That’s why he stays on the periphery and accept being the butt of Liz's every joke.
Her happiness is more important than his status in that extra social circle he doesn't really want to be involved with. At least not regularly.
What is Derek's social status exactly? No one fucking knows and it's one of the reasons why he's so great. We know that he's rich enough to own a house in California and to be quietly enjoying retirement. He’s either chilling at home and minding his own business, being at peace with himself and immersed in something that doesn’t interests Liz (he admits in season 2 that he likes looking at cars and thinking about fixing them) or he’s simply out of the house with pals. He is never ever a weight for anyone.
Derek doesn't give a fuck. You can be whoever you want to be around him and he doesn’t take it personal for as long as you don’t hurt Liz. He can exist within a paradigm without being the center of attention because it doesn’t prevent him from doing what he truly wants (which is to kick back and enjoy his retirement). To me, that’s a masculinity worth celebrating because it is lived to its fullest and, from the show’s perspective, it doesn’t even involve him. Derek is accomplished already.
He doesn’t need more.
D-Train and Adversity
I told you I wasn’t gonna spoil anything? I lied. If you want to experience season two of Shrinking pure of any spoiler, you should stop reading right now. Derek’s storyline in season two involved Liz being attracted to another man and eventually overstepping boundaries (I’m not telling you in what way, but it’s not as clear cut as you think). It hurts Derek and he is not ashamed to appear wounded in front of her. He’s also not shy a bout feeling angry and betrayed by his wife without being a belligerent asshole about it.
Even more interesting: when Derek confronts his romantic nemesis, he does something crazy: he listens to what he has to say and he opens up to his perspective. I’m not saying that it’s applicable to any situation and that there's no other way to handle such confrontation. But what Derek did was different and in accordance to his character: he pried the focus off himself and reoriented it towards Liz and whatever need she had that was unfulfilled in the latest months of their relationship.
It reinforces the basic tenet of Derek’s character: he loves his wife and wants her to feel happy and fulfilled.
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So yeah, Derek is A model for a positive masculinity that is both fulfilling to him and non-threatening anyone around him, but it’s not THE model. Characters like Derek should multiply on television over the next couple years and it would be even better if they do in a supporting role. It would reinforce the notion that we don’t need to be at the center of everything to feel happy or accomplished. I’m on the fence about season two of Shrinking overall, but watch it for D-Train’s sake.
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