Movie Review : Marlowe (2023)
There are two types of bad movies : the ones that are poorly written and the ones that are poorly put together. It's extremely rare to come across the latter in theatre because of the financial investment involved. If you're not explicitly releasing a B movie, whoever pays for it will make sure it’s at least watchable in order to get their money’s worth. I don't know who footed the bill for Neil Jordan's Marlowe, but I hope for that person's take it was money laundering or a tax write off. Because that is a mess of a movie.
In Marlowe, the beloved private detective Philip Marlowe (Liam Neeson) is investigating the disappearance of a two-bit hustler named Nico Peterson (François Arnaud). The man was legally declared dead a couple days ago after a car squashed his head like a watermelon, but his obscenely rich lover Clare Cavendish (Diane Kruger) insists that she's seen him in Mexico after his death. If you're familiar with Philip Marlowe novels, you know already that guy is so not dead and up to some dangerous bullshit.
Failure 101 : A Case Study
This movie is bad. Not spectacularly so or anything, but it has nothing whatsoever going for it. Marlowe is not even a Raymond Chandler adaptation. It's based on The Black-Eyed Blonde by John Banville, which maybe wasn't worth an adaptation to begin with? It’s one of the reasons why this movie is such a slog, but it's the main one. Marlowe is one of the rare (and bizarre) cases of utter technical failure making its way into theatres. The main reason why Marlowe sucks is that it was edited by a crazy person.
Don't get me wrong. Whoever edited this movie in a way that rushes clumsily from scene to scene like it was trying to put its pants on and get out the door at the same time probably did it on purpose to hide the fact that it was lifeless to begin with. But you're not giving you movie any chances if you don't let your audience settle emotionally in a scene. The presence of Philip Marlowe alone is not enough to sell this movie. He's cool, but he's not that cool. Especially John Banville's Marlowe who's kind of nicer.
Who wants a nicer Philip Marlowe? Where is the bitter, wisecracking alcoholic everyone knows and love?
When Marlowe is not rushing through action scenes without building up to any emotional climax or interesting story progression, you start to get it. This screenplay is wordy as hell. It's heavy and literary and not in a good way. Noah Baumbach's White Noise has this same oddball literary quality, but it was self-aware and fully assumed by a cast that played if off like they were doing Shakespeare. But here it’s played mostly straight and none of the actors manage to sound like they're not reading a teleprompter.
How to tell if a movie is gonna suck before it's even made
The writing was on the wall since the beginning for Marlowe. The John Banville novel came with a screenplay adaptation, which NO ONE WANTED TO PICK UP. That's a telltale sign if I've ever seen one. Even when Liam Neeson agreed to play Marlowe three fucking years later, it took four additional years to find a director willing to take it on. Even them, an Irish filmmaker known for understated brainy movies like Neil Jordan didn't exactly scream success when it comes to adapting a brainy spin off a non-brainy character.
Marlowe reeks of uninterested people going through the motion to fulfill contractual obligations. No one associated with it seems to really like or understand what made Raymond Chandler novels so much fun. They’re just adults cosplaying cops & robbers in fun, well-lit environment. A powerful literary figure like John Banville had an Award-winning screenwriter like William Monahan writing a screenplay for his novel and it took the movie nine years to be made. That means everyone knew it was bad.
*
I love Philip Marlowe very, very much and this movie was very, very clueless about who he is and why he's such a magnetic character. It was made by old, boring men who had no respect of love for Raymond Chandler’s work. I don’t even think people who don’t know who Philip Marlowe is will like that. It's flaccid and bored with itself like a middle-aged suburban burger flipping dad. There's no greater crime than being uninteresting in this day and age, except being uninterested in your own work.
